Looking Forward To A Long Weekend

Monday is Memorial Day in the U.S.

As such, our office will be closed.

It's a long weekend for me.

Excited, because I think I can spend a nice weekend with Dimples.

I wish we can go to the beach...

We both have no plans yet, hopefully tonight we'll come up with something exciting to do.

Can't Sleep, Yet again...

Came home four hours ago.

From an overnight shift. It was a long night at work. :(

From a nice breakfast with Dimples. Went to Microtel Inn. ;)

Dropped him off at his apartment, well near his apartment, we don't want to be seen by his friends.

I can't sleep. Thinking about our conversation.

On our way to his apartment, I suggested that we get our own apartment, instead of sharing with a friend of his. It's more economical if we get an apartment, we don't have to rent a room at our fave motel every time we need to spend time together. He agreed but with a lot of conditions. This is not new to me, almost always he has an explanation or a reason for everything.

Just like how he wants everything between us be kept to our ourselves. Because he doesn't want his people to know what or who he really is. So that when things don't go well between us, he won't be disturbing or damaging other people. It's because of his Psycho Ex. The one before me. He had done some nasty things that made Dimples hold his guards really tight.

I am not naive.

Nor stupid.

Bit my tongue, can't tell him exactly how I feel about our situation. There is another time for that.

I got a text a few minutes after we saw each other off. He was apologizing. I didn't understand why. Asked what it was for, he replied for arguing with me.

Told him, it wasn't an argument, it was more like a mature conversation between two sane people.

I had to tell him that we gotta talk sometime about how I truly feel.

Smiled at his response, save it he said, because he might not be able to take it all in.

My next text came with a promise that I love him, no matter what. Pleaded to take care of my heart.

He thinks I'm still doubting his feeling.

It's more like a question of security. Just can't feel it.

Nothing is permanent in this world, we all move. Hopefully, what I have with Dimples will last longer than I expect it to be. I am hoping... Crossed fingers...

Meantime, I will close my eyes and try to sleep. It's almost 24 hours that I have been awake.

Mr. Sandman - we call each other Mr. Sandman; sprinkle your magical sands onto my eyes and bring me a dream.

Temporary Separation Anxiety

Found out the other night when I visited Dimples at his new apartment that his new shift will start on Sunday. Great that he has a weekend off. Bad part is that his new shift is from 1am to 10am. 

That means we'll spend les time with each other. I am very sad and this is frustrating me! 

Gone are the breakfast post-shit or dinner pre-shift.

We won't be able to find time at be at our crib anymore, meaning the motel, after our shift or whenever we can.  

Oh well, this is just temporary. Two months to be exact. Will survive this!

Rain Rain Go Away

Woke up early today so I can run a 5K. I haven't done any workout in a long time and this Monday morning was my plan to start running for at least 3 times a week.

Dimples wasn't texting to grab breakfast so it was perfect time to run.

Got dressed in a few minutes time, very excited to go out. When I got to the ground floor of our building, I noticed the dark rain clouds moving from the north. At the back of my mind it'll rain.

True enough, a short time after I got on the road, it drizzled. Darn, running wet is not what I wish for.

Decided to turn around and go home.

Will try again tomorrow.

Drama, Drama, Drama

I haven't written anything for over a month now. It's not that I have nothing to write about, it's just that I am tired. Work has been stressful and Dimples and I seem to be fighting a lot lately. Plus I can't sleep well, every day, catching forty winks is getting harder and harder. I've tried taking off the shelf sleep aids to no avail. So I've seen a doctor friend and she has written me a script for sleeping pill. I don't take it everyday, only on Wednesdays when it's hump day and I needed to log more sleep time.

So what else has been happening. Drama of my love life, for sure. I guess it's what you might call a five month hiccup. I dunno if I am really becoming possessive or the lack of feeling secured makes me cling and feel needy of his time and attention. This causes a lot of strain between the two of us and its making me feel sad, frustrated and exhausted. Two Sundays ago, I almost gave up and walked away. He snapped at me because he doesn't like the idea that I give him gifts that he can't mostly afford. Feeling small and at the same time proud of himself, made him talk to me in a very demeaning way. I understand how he feels, but I think it wasn't necessary and I didn't deserve that from him.

Literally so close to walking away. Permanently.

I love him though and I know he needs me and I need him too. He is the best thing that happened to me since I got back from living abroad. I've never felt this way before with another man. Truly a great experience that I don't want to let go just yet.

I can continue to be a doormat until I can't take it anymore.

Guess this is what love is. Stupidity!

We have already talked about what we want from each other. He said he loves me too. Admittedly, not as much as I love him, but he is trying his best to make me happy.

Until the next episode of misunderstandings, I'm going to be realistic and prepare myself from the dreaded separation. Only time will tell if at all its going to happen, however, I truly hope it won't happen so soon. This is the first time I have ever fallen in love with a other guy and I am hoping he's my first and last.