How Secured Am I?

Sometimes I don't know if everything I do, say and spend with Dimples is all worth the heartache. For some reason, I am wary of my relationship with him. I dunno why but I just can't seem to feel any security. Sometimes I feel that it's because of our age difference, I'm turning 41 this year and he is only 28. Not to mention that I am not very good looking myself but have been very good at maintaining my weight proportionate to my height, some say I don't actually look 40 but early 30s.

Part of my insecurity perhaps is the way PLUs look at him wherever we are walking. I don't know if its because he is giving the looks or if he really is a hot item for PLUs. Whatever the reason is, it makes me feel uncomfortable that other guys are very bold in their actions that will give him signals of interest when I am walking really close to him, obviously as a partner. I swear, one these days I'll throwing punches. And there are times that I see his eyes wander. He just couldn't look at other guys discreetly. One time, we were at the night food market in Glorietta and he saw a tall stocky guy with trimmed beard, his weakness, I must say. His eyes followed the guy, he even suggested we go the other way so we can bump into him. Dimples didn't know that I knew, but it really ruined my night. I let it pass but I told him what I felt after a couple of days.

We talked about it and he didn't challenge my observation. He plainly couldn't avoid he told me. It hurt me so much that from then on I felt that he will be gone, it'll just be a matter of time. Sad but true in any kind of relationship or partnership.

What am I going to do? Sometimes I wanna give up, but really each time I think about ending our relationship I see him and nothing really matters anymore. I know now that I love him, unconditionally. I wouldn't give him money, clothes, or even take him to expensive restaurants if I don't love him. He has a job, but he is helping his family, so I took it upon myself to help him out and he appreciates it. Sometimes though, I feel the only thing that keeps our relationship is my money. And that really, really scares me. I hope I am wrong.