I Wonder Why?

Had a great lunch with an old friend from Infonxx days. Didn't know he's gay until today. I was teasing him because I felt that he was interested in me at the time we working together. I told him how he would always find a a way to be seated next to my workstation even when I am already far from the rest of the pack. He was obnoxiously loud during calls so I would often stay away from him. 

He doesn't know that like him, I like men too. I didn't come out to him today, or will ever. I just don't want to mix friendship and my second identity. I'd leave it like that. I don't want to get into a complicated situation. He has been out for quite sometime and his network of bisexuals is immensely huge. He's popular in that circle, especially in the chub world, I think he is a chub-chaser. A review of his Facebook wall will reveal he is mostly spending time with chubby to heavy set people.  And his boyfriend is a chubby too. Nothing wrong with that. I am a chub, at least that's probably the reason why he spends time with me. 

I remember back in 2003, he went with me to the Networld Spa on Roxas Boulevard. Now this is a legit spa, where most of the clients are Japanese and Koreans. I go here because because they've got great wet floor area, the hot and cold jacuzzi, steam room, and dry sauna. I can spend about 30 minutes in the wet area before going to the massage area. But the time he came with me, we we're talking for two hours. It's like a game of musical chairs, only this time, we move from hot to cold jacuzzi, then to sauna then back to cold jacuzzi then to the steam room and back to cold jacuzzi. By the time we were through, my skin was already dry. He didn't opt to take the massage so I went ahead. He went him instead. 

Today, I recalled that spa day and how he wanted to come out to me but I was blocking him from speaking. I felt that he wanted to come to me with the hope that I will too. I wasn't ready at time, maybe was more afraid that he will invite me to spend time alone. 

However, when he came out to me earlier, I still couldn't tell him I am bi. I don't know why. He probably knows already and he is just assuming. Oh well, he can only assume so much, until my lips are ready to spit it out to him. 

I wonder why I am making my life so seemingly frustrating.