I haven't written anything for over a month now. It's not that I have nothing to write about, it's just that I am tired. Work has been stressful and Dimples and I seem to be fighting a lot lately. Plus I can't sleep well, every day, catching forty winks is getting harder and harder. I've tried taking off the shelf sleep aids to no avail. So I've seen a doctor friend and she has written me a script for sleeping pill. I don't take it everyday, only on Wednesdays when it's hump day and I needed to log more sleep time.
So what else has been happening. Drama of my love life, for sure. I guess it's what you might call a five month hiccup. I dunno if I am really becoming possessive or the lack of feeling secured makes me cling and feel needy of his time and attention. This causes a lot of strain between the two of us and its making me feel sad, frustrated and exhausted. Two Sundays ago, I almost gave up and walked away. He snapped at me because he doesn't like the idea that I give him gifts that he can't mostly afford. Feeling small and at the same time proud of himself, made him talk to me in a very demeaning way. I understand how he feels, but I think it wasn't necessary and I didn't deserve that from him.
Literally so close to walking away. Permanently.
I love him though and I know he needs me and I need him too. He is the best thing that happened to me since I got back from living abroad. I've never felt this way before with another man. Truly a great experience that I don't want to let go just yet.
I can continue to be a doormat until I can't take it anymore.
Guess this is what love is. Stupidity!
We have already talked about what we want from each other. He said he loves me too. Admittedly, not as much as I love him, but he is trying his best to make me happy.
Until the next episode of misunderstandings, I'm going to be realistic and prepare myself from the dreaded separation. Only time will tell if at all its going to happen, however, I truly hope it won't happen so soon. This is the first time I have ever fallen in love with a other guy and I am hoping he's my first and last.
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