Second Invite...

Wasn't doing anything Saturday night. But was surprised to get another invite from Dimple to go to his apartment. His roomies are at work, he was along and getting horny, so he said. I didn't know if he was teasing me so I had to play hard to get. When I finally realized he was being real, I immediately prepared to leave in 5 minutes. Couldn't remember how to get to his place but was very lucky to have hailed a cab who knows the area. I was literally at his doorstep in 10 minutes.

I went there with the hope that something romantic will happen. And he didn't disappoint, he was humping like a bunny so we both came not very long in the play. But short as it may have been, we literally covered the small space of his studio and ended up in the bathroom. It was a very hot evening indeed!

First Is A First

So I spent Friday night at Dimple's apartment. He invited me back and that was big surprise. He told me a while back that he can't bring men he go out with to the apartment he shares with two friends because that's a rule they have agreed upon even before they moved in last year. I was doing virtual cartwheels, really! We went to his place and it was a nice studio apartment especially for 3 bachelors. We sat on his bed but he won't sit still, moving around and trying to fix things inside the apartment. I can tell he is very uneasy, but I was just cool. When he finally sat down beside me, he gave me a long but very lustful kiss. i was even panting when we broke up from the lip locking. I stayed for another hour and all we did was make up and grope each other. We never got to the point of undressing each other. I wasn't expecting anything to happen that nigh, but it would've been great if we did go all the way. I am a patient man, if he didn't want to do it, I can wait. I waited long enough so it won't hurt if I wait for another day, week or month… Didn't realize it was part of his game. He was teasing me til I beg for him to make love to me again. I wan't giving in, well at least on that night. lol.. 

But I definitely needed to release the heat. So I had to jack off when I got home. How I wished he was with me to help me release that heat! 

Dimples said that I am the first guy he ever brought back to his apartment. Hmmm… I dunno what to think of it… But I surely don't have to over analyze things. What's important is that he made me feel very special and I am loving it. 

Will It Work?

Four days ago, I asked Dimples, if we can be exclusives. We are acting like we have a relationship anyway so I was thinking if he is spending so much of his time with me, might as well label our current situation. I am not ready for a stronger commitment, if it happens I will gladly accept it. Call this a testing point before we officially commit to each other as boyfriends.

He said he is cool with the idea. But then the the other night, I asked what he really want from me. Cuz I feel that he is more serious than I am with him. I don't know if he was kidding, but he said he wants us to be boyfriends. Whew! I am not really ready for that but I told him that it that's what he wants I'm down with it! But lost the moment cuz it took me a few seconds to answer him. He felt bad, so did I. It's just that everything is happing too soon for both of us. I am just afraid that it might go the other way. So I wanna take things slowly, but sometimes, people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out things. That who he is and what he is doing to me. Guess, I should not resist this anymore, it will happen anyway.

Will this work? God only knows.

Two Weeks And Counting...

It's been two weeks that Dimples and I have been seeing each other. He is growing into me more and more each day. I'm still getting to know him and every day, I am surprised at the things that I learn from him. 

Dimples apparently is into almost the same type of music that I like. The only difference is that he knows every lyrics and title of the songs that we both like. I never care for them, unless I really love the song, I'd learn the words but most of the time, it's just the melody that I am most interested in.  Well I found out about his passion for music when we went out last Saturday night after his shift. Didn't intend for us to have an intimate time that night, I though we'd only have dinner, he had other things planned for us… So we went to the nearest motel in the Malate area, I think it's our second time there, for sure we'll frequent this place. Very convenient for both of us, clean and provides lube and rubber… 

But anyhow, we we're just cuddling when he pulled out his smartphone to play the latest playlist he had prepared. I was ecstatic about it. I think it was sweet of him to take time to arrange a playlist just for that night. I like all the songs in his playlist, so I ended up copying the songs. My favorite is Thousand Years by Christina Perri and Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. Oh and I didn't know that Bamboo has a cover of Adele's Someone Like You…. 

He also listens to Above and Beyond, EBTG, Gorillaz, The Fray, David Guetta, U2, Lady Antebellum, Jason Mraz, Alicia Keys,  and many more artists… But he said he kinda prefer the UK artists versus the American artists. And I agree the UK artists has better musicality than their American counterparts. I guess Americans know how to properly promote their albums better that's why they are more successful. However, when a UK artist makes it big in songlandia, they really hit it big! Look at the success that boyband One Direction is experiencing right now! 

His personality is showing in the type of music that he plays. Very eclectic but discerning taste. I think that's the way he is, it's also evident in his food choice, and probably men too. Well, he probably has lowered his standard when he met me… lol… 

Still having fun talking, texting and meeting him. I really hope he is not a fluke and I will not be disappointed. 

Confused

Between Dimples and Mr. Bedminton, I can't decide whom I like the most. One thing for sure, I'm more emotionally attached to Dimples, I can probably spend all day with him talking about anything under the sun and will never be tired or bored. While with Mr. Bedminton, I can't last an hour, he doesn't read books, not into music and so we have limited topics to talk about.

In the bedroom department, they both have their own qualities. Tool size don't matter to me, well at least for now. I am more concerned about my emotional attachment to the guy I am with than size. Mr. Bedminton is very agressive in bed, his actions are mostly forceful, touch, kiss, humping, everything! My passiveness in bed is totally achieved when he is performing. While Dimples is not as agressive, he has the tendency to be more romantic, his kisses are soft and gentle, and he makes sure that everything he does is going to be a fun experience for both of us. Dimples like long foreplay, while Mr. Bedminton is not but can perform two times in a row. Having said that, I couldn't decide which I prefer in the bedroom.

Dimples is more carefree, I think it's because he is younger. When we are together, he would steal a kiss on my lips, hold my hand or discreetly touch my finger. He definitely knows how to hold my guard down. While Mr. Bedminton don't do any of it while in public, so I can be as discreet as I can be when I am with him. This is still confusing for me...

I am trying to make a good assessment of my current situation with both guys. Sooner or later I'll have to take things to the next level with either. Maybe, it is too early to think about that, but this is me. I try over analyze everything. And probably because I am too old and too tired to find a good partner.

Meantime, I'll chill with both guys and see how it's going to go. I can't force anything if it's not meant to be.

Time To Heal Old Wounds

Time to heal old wounds. Wounds created by family members. I just don't know how and when to start. 

My father has passed on for several years now, if you ask me how long, I really don't know. I was living abroad when he left this world, so I wasn't able to bury him. Well, it would have been an awkward feeling if I was home at the time, cuz I really don't know what would I've done. Me and my father did not get along well. Let's put it this way, if I were given a choice, I wouldn't pick him to be my father much so my mother's better half. Because he was never a good father to us or a great husband to my mom. He was both physically and verbally abusive, an alcoholic and didn't care for anybody but himself. 

Sad to say that I don't recall a happy moment with him. This is why me and m brothers are badly broken. I am not going to blame him for everything that happened to me or my brothers because each one of us have a choice. I chose to better my situation, study harder and get out of the shit that I was in when i was living in the same roof as he was; my brothers chose a different path sad to say. But for some reason, anger, hatred and indifference has kept me from really moving forward. I find it hard to hard to relate, trust and keep good connection with people. It is the reason why I keep a small group of friends, mostly from my high school years. They know my story and they will never judge me for being who I am. 

So I am writing about my father today, because my youngest brother asked me earlier if I want to go to our house in Cavite and visit him at the graveyard. Instantly, I felt the need to see him and finally release him and myself from the trap that I have made myself. I am tired, and I want him to know that I have already forgiven him, but I needed to see him one last time albeit in the graveyard. However, I am not ready yet… I don't know if I ever will, I really don't know what's holding me back. Maybe real forgiveness is not offered yet. But I promised myself to go next week, alone. This has to be done, sooner than later. My little brother understood me, so he will go all by himself.  I envy my brother because he has moved on. It's probably time for a brotherly talk over coffee or tequila! 

But before that day happens I am committing myself to go to our house in Cavite sometime next week and visit his graveyard, offer him flowers and light a candle. When I have done that, I know I have made a step to healing. Inshallah. 

When Do I Decide to Choose?

This is very tough. I don't want to be in a position where I have to choose between two guys because I can't really be with two guys at the same time. Although it is too early to say, I just can't imagine cutting someone off my life. I hope that will never come.

Meantime, chill, chill!