Tired.
Lack of Sleep.
Stressful Job.
Definitely, feeling burned out!
I need a vacation, however with the kind of work that I am in, going on vacations is like frowned upon. Will be loosing a lot of opportunities to connect with job hunters, passive and active, in the IT industry. If I don't talk to them first then another recruiter from a competitor will, and that will take away my chance of earning extra moolah.
So yeah, it's Good Friday and I still have to work tonight. Never mind, it's double pay anyway. I'll plan for a grand vacation sometime in May. I really wanna to the Waterfalls trip in Cebu. Must save for this trip, paying for two people after all.
Hitting the sack in a few. Must sleep for at least 7 hours today. I only get to sleep for 4 hours yesterday and the whole night at work, my head was throbbing.
Vacation soon, I promise - note to self!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Where Are You Mr. Sandman?
It's almost 2 and I am still awake. Couldn't get myself to sleep.
Mr. Sandman! Where the fuck are you?
Got work later. I must...
Only if I can skip my conference call tonight, I'd call in sick!
Here's hoping, that I'd be able to sleep for at least 3 hours...
Mr. Sandman, please sprinkle you magical sands onto my eyes right away. Counting sheep is not very effective. Only you can me fall asleep.
Mr. Sandman! Where the fuck are you?
Got work later. I must...
Only if I can skip my conference call tonight, I'd call in sick!
Here's hoping, that I'd be able to sleep for at least 3 hours...
Mr. Sandman, please sprinkle you magical sands onto my eyes right away. Counting sheep is not very effective. Only you can me fall asleep.
Missing Each Other
Dimples went to Manaoag with two of his friends early morning. Didn't want to disturb his time with his friends so I barely texted him. Although, he was sending me messages to let me know where they were at, at the wrong bus station, correct bus station, bus leaving etc etc etc. told him he did not have to do it, he did it anyway. It made me feel like he is reporting his every move, probably to give me peace of mind. Cuz he knows I won't be able to sleep unless I know he is ok. This is what he calls my possessive subtleness.
Today though, the only reason why I can't sleep is because of the humidity. It was freaking humid the whole day! But I pretended that I was asleep. Wasn't replying to any of his messages until around 12 noon when he mentioned he got me a gift!
This is what he got me from Manaoag, puto Calasiao! Their yummy!
After that he suggested that we see a movie around 6pm before I go to work. He said he must see me to give me his gift and that he misses me as well. To think we were together yesterday morning until around 2pm.
Hmmm.. I was doing virtual cartwheels...
Though. I didn't want to see a movie because the last two attempts ended up in huge arguments between us. Didn't want to strike out so I sorta evaded it, barely. We did see a movie anyway. Oz the Great! And we surely had a great time watching it. Nice movie, if you haven't seen it, now is the best time.
Cuddled a little bit inside the cinema, there were few people watching, fortunately! We held hands almost the entire time we were watching.
After the movie, we went to a Vietnamese Restaurant at Greenbelt 5. I ordered their chicken with lettuce wrap and he ordered for a Vietnamese noodles. Nothing fantastic with both dishes. We both agreed the price, serving and taste don't match up. Not going back there!
Here's a picture of the chicken with lettuce wrap. I definitely miss PF Chang's lettuce wrap! Didn't get a chance to take a pic of his noodles.
Today though, the only reason why I can't sleep is because of the humidity. It was freaking humid the whole day! But I pretended that I was asleep. Wasn't replying to any of his messages until around 12 noon when he mentioned he got me a gift!
This is what he got me from Manaoag, puto Calasiao! Their yummy!
After that he suggested that we see a movie around 6pm before I go to work. He said he must see me to give me his gift and that he misses me as well. To think we were together yesterday morning until around 2pm.
Hmmm.. I was doing virtual cartwheels...
Though. I didn't want to see a movie because the last two attempts ended up in huge arguments between us. Didn't want to strike out so I sorta evaded it, barely. We did see a movie anyway. Oz the Great! And we surely had a great time watching it. Nice movie, if you haven't seen it, now is the best time.
Cuddled a little bit inside the cinema, there were few people watching, fortunately! We held hands almost the entire time we were watching.
After the movie, we went to a Vietnamese Restaurant at Greenbelt 5. I ordered their chicken with lettuce wrap and he ordered for a Vietnamese noodles. Nothing fantastic with both dishes. We both agreed the price, serving and taste don't match up. Not going back there!
Here's a picture of the chicken with lettuce wrap. I definitely miss PF Chang's lettuce wrap! Didn't get a chance to take a pic of his noodles.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Microtel's Breakfast Buffett
Woke up at 3am today after only sleeping for 4 hours. Decided to ping Dimples and see how he is doing at work. We chatted until he logged out for the day.
On his way home, I teased to have SEX (Sinangag Express) for breakfast. He declined because he wants more fruits, juices, etc. SEX, serves fried rice (sinangag) and mostly Filipino dishes, like Tocino (sweet pork). Then I remembered that the breakfast buffet at Microtel Inn near the Mall of Asia serves all that he wishes for. Told him we could go there if he wants to. He thought about it for a few minutes and decided to go.
We met at around 7am, just in time for time the buffet to start. We got our usual table, it's our third time there. We both noticed that they change the glass window. Because we can't see the outside garden anymore.
Here's a sample of my first plate. Their ham is quite good and the sweet Filipino beef steak is really awesome.
Ok. Mangosteen is a fruit I have never tried before. Dimples was so nice to let me try it. Offered the one that he cracked open and let me try the one without a seed. I like its tanginess. Can't explain why I have never eaten one before.
This is a breakfast that we had a great time talking about his younger years. I forced to show me his pictures from his college years. They're locked in his Facebook. His reason, his ashamed of how he looked back in the days. Very thin and skin is very dark. Totally understand where he is coming from, I wanted him to know though that he should be proud of his past. His youth is part of what he has become. Definitely, he gained some pounds, skin has lightened, probably because he hasn't gone to the beach in a long time. Despite that, he is a cutie even when he thinks otherwise. I love that he told me back stories of each picture he showed me. Dimples probably have a grand time reminiscing his younger years.
I am glad we both decided to have breakfast this morning. It was both gastronomically and emotionally satisfying, or should I say, fullfilling. Love that he shared a piece of his youth even though he thinks I'd make fun of him.
I promised to show mine next time. I didn't have anything on my Facebook.
Did we have sex after? Oh yeah, he was teasing me the whole time we were at Krispy Kreme waiting for the mall to open. I just can't resist when he bites lis lower right lip and look me into the eye with a flair of desire. I gotta give myself some credit though, wasn't the one who asked to go to our place. He did and I was glad he did!
Having said that, we both have our fill! Nourished in all aspects of our being!
On his way home, I teased to have SEX (Sinangag Express) for breakfast. He declined because he wants more fruits, juices, etc. SEX, serves fried rice (sinangag) and mostly Filipino dishes, like Tocino (sweet pork). Then I remembered that the breakfast buffet at Microtel Inn near the Mall of Asia serves all that he wishes for. Told him we could go there if he wants to. He thought about it for a few minutes and decided to go.
We met at around 7am, just in time for time the buffet to start. We got our usual table, it's our third time there. We both noticed that they change the glass window. Because we can't see the outside garden anymore.
Here's a sample of my first plate. Their ham is quite good and the sweet Filipino beef steak is really awesome.
Ok. Mangosteen is a fruit I have never tried before. Dimples was so nice to let me try it. Offered the one that he cracked open and let me try the one without a seed. I like its tanginess. Can't explain why I have never eaten one before.
This is a breakfast that we had a great time talking about his younger years. I forced to show me his pictures from his college years. They're locked in his Facebook. His reason, his ashamed of how he looked back in the days. Very thin and skin is very dark. Totally understand where he is coming from, I wanted him to know though that he should be proud of his past. His youth is part of what he has become. Definitely, he gained some pounds, skin has lightened, probably because he hasn't gone to the beach in a long time. Despite that, he is a cutie even when he thinks otherwise. I love that he told me back stories of each picture he showed me. Dimples probably have a grand time reminiscing his younger years.
I am glad we both decided to have breakfast this morning. It was both gastronomically and emotionally satisfying, or should I say, fullfilling. Love that he shared a piece of his youth even though he thinks I'd make fun of him.
I promised to show mine next time. I didn't have anything on my Facebook.
Did we have sex after? Oh yeah, he was teasing me the whole time we were at Krispy Kreme waiting for the mall to open. I just can't resist when he bites lis lower right lip and look me into the eye with a flair of desire. I gotta give myself some credit though, wasn't the one who asked to go to our place. He did and I was glad he did!
Having said that, we both have our fill! Nourished in all aspects of our being!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Living a Double Life - Selfish, Selfish, Selfish
A friend of Dimples mentioned something that hit me hard. Didn't speak to his friend but he told me about it.
The friend is happy that Dimples found a partner in me, and that he is happy to be in love. But she doesn't approve that I am much older bi. Not to mention married.
I haven't mentioned previously that I am living a double life - married to a woman who I am very much in love with. She is the very same reason that I can't be out. But being with and with Dimples at the same time is like having the best of both worlds.
Selfish me!
His friend is against the fact the I am married. Can't blame her, her husband left her for another woman. She knows how shitty a woman's life is when a husband leaves for a other woman, it'll be worse if a husband choses to be with another man instead. And she has advised Dimples to let go of me because of that. I'm happy that he didn't give me up because of what his friend think, but because I truly matter to him.
It hit me hard to know that she doesn't approve of me. Don't need his friends approval anyway. She doesn't know me and what I go through.
Been hiding in the closet for the longest time. No plans of coming out. But if I could turn back time, I probably wouldn't have allowed my weak heart to have fallen in love with my wife. Because when I met her, I already know that I can't control my bi-sexuality.
Selfish, again!
However, I didn't know that Dimples would come along. That I'd fall in love with him. You see, prior to knowing him, I've only only gone out with 3 other guys, nothing serious. They were more life fuck buddies. Also, hate to admit this, have rented guys several times to satisfy some of my hunger.
Definitely, Dimples has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Sex is great, conversations are never boring, we both enjoy reading and listening to music. I could go on and on... That's how compatible we are.
So, I never wanted to be in this situation, I can't chose between my wife and him. Both holds a special place in my heart. And I don't want people to judge me because of the choices I make. Nobody knows where I am coming from or what I am going through. If they only knew, maybe they won't judge.
What am i going to do? I don't want to hurt or lose both my wife and Dimples.
Selfish, selfish, selfish!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Kiss and Make up Sex
Yes, kiss and make up.
That's what happened this morning. Dimples and I had breakfast and while we were having breakfast he told me I can sleep in his room for a few hours. I was astounded, didn’t expect that from him. Of course it would be nice to go back to his place, naturally, I said yes. At the back of my mind though, he could be playing with my emotions. To make me feel better, because of what had happened yesterday.
On our way out from the restaurant, I told him, it’s ok, I can go home. To make him realize that I won’t invade his privacy. But he insisted, off we went to his place.
When we got to his room, he asked to take my clothes because it’s too hot. We are in the tropics and its summer already so the heat is really killing me. I obliged, took off my shirt but not my jeans. He chuckled when he saw me with my jeans on laying in his bed. He wanted me to take it off too. Hmm… I know what he is up to. So I did!
Then he lay beside me. No sooner took my hand and put on his crotch. Am I surprised to feel it’s in full erection? No! So, we made out… And then he wanted some more, found him on top of me and taking my underwear off. It was quick but very wild!!
So all the disappointments and frustrations from yesterday is all but gone. We did talk about it though. Moving forward with good things to come, hopefully.
That's what happened this morning. Dimples and I had breakfast and while we were having breakfast he told me I can sleep in his room for a few hours. I was astounded, didn’t expect that from him. Of course it would be nice to go back to his place, naturally, I said yes. At the back of my mind though, he could be playing with my emotions. To make me feel better, because of what had happened yesterday.
On our way out from the restaurant, I told him, it’s ok, I can go home. To make him realize that I won’t invade his privacy. But he insisted, off we went to his place.
When we got to his room, he asked to take my clothes because it’s too hot. We are in the tropics and its summer already so the heat is really killing me. I obliged, took off my shirt but not my jeans. He chuckled when he saw me with my jeans on laying in his bed. He wanted me to take it off too. Hmm… I know what he is up to. So I did!
Then he lay beside me. No sooner took my hand and put on his crotch. Am I surprised to feel it’s in full erection? No! So, we made out… And then he wanted some more, found him on top of me and taking my underwear off. It was quick but very wild!!
So all the disappointments and frustrations from yesterday is all but gone. We did talk about it though. Moving forward with good things to come, hopefully.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Disappointment, Frustration & Lack of Sleep
Something is bothering me that I couldn't pinpoint. As a result, very sleep deprived today. Going to work with only 2 hours of sleep.
It didn't help that Dimples and I had a misunderstanding. He agreed to watch Oz today, its the movie that he had been wanting to see since last Sunday. So we decided that I'll meet him around 6pm before I go to work.
Something cane up that he couldn't see me anymore. He ditched for a friend who asked to go with him in Quiapo. The thing is, when i spoke to him on the phone, he told me he is going to Ortigas to complete his exit interview with his old company. That was around 1pm and I got a text around 325pm. So I dunno what to think.
One thing is for sure though, that friend is more important to him than I am. Call me selfish, but that's how I feel. He said he already committed to go with his friend the previous day. For some reason, I feel like he is hiding something from me. I understand that he has a life outside our relationship, every now and then he spends a "Me" time. Not bothered that he does that. My concern really is when he drops me just like that.
He knew I'd react negatively about it. His text is full of disappointment with me. Didn't reply to any of his texts anymore. I am hurt really really hurt.
He last text before I hit the road to go to work is that he is waiting for me to text him so he can swing by my work area. Not replying. Let's see how far I am gonna take this.
It didn't help that Dimples and I had a misunderstanding. He agreed to watch Oz today, its the movie that he had been wanting to see since last Sunday. So we decided that I'll meet him around 6pm before I go to work.
Something cane up that he couldn't see me anymore. He ditched for a friend who asked to go with him in Quiapo. The thing is, when i spoke to him on the phone, he told me he is going to Ortigas to complete his exit interview with his old company. That was around 1pm and I got a text around 325pm. So I dunno what to think.
One thing is for sure though, that friend is more important to him than I am. Call me selfish, but that's how I feel. He said he already committed to go with his friend the previous day. For some reason, I feel like he is hiding something from me. I understand that he has a life outside our relationship, every now and then he spends a "Me" time. Not bothered that he does that. My concern really is when he drops me just like that.
He knew I'd react negatively about it. His text is full of disappointment with me. Didn't reply to any of his texts anymore. I am hurt really really hurt.
He last text before I hit the road to go to work is that he is waiting for me to text him so he can swing by my work area. Not replying. Let's see how far I am gonna take this.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Post-Shift Breakfast Gone Wild
Tuesday morning, Dimples and I agreed to meet for breakfast after our shifts. He gets off from work at 4am and I at 6am. Didn’t think he’d wait for me because he said he had a bad day in the office. Surprised as I am, I let him wait for me at Seattle’s Best Coffee behind our office.
We decided to eat pizza for breakfast. I know, weird food for a morning meal, but that’s what he wants. But while we were waiting for our pizza, he was teasing me with the lips and looks. I can’t handle it anymore and told him that I’d be frustrated anyway because I won’t get a kiss yet again. He burned his lips when he ate boiled eggs that he reheated in the microwave. Suddenly asked, if I want to take out our food instead and go to our place.
Imagine my surprise! I didn’t think anymore, told him I won’t refuse! Learned my lesson, last week, we kinda have a frustrating breakfast because we both wanted to have our time but nobody wants to ask for it. This time around, I didn’t hesitate that I want to spend alone time with him.
To cut the long story short, we did go to our place. Funny thing is, I went ahead and ordered for a room because he had to stop by at a convenience store and buy some stuff. As I was getting off the cab, the room boy remembers me and bid me a good morning with a big smile on his face. He knows I am a regular already and asked where my partner is. Told him he is coming and let him go to the room when he arrives. Room 301, I remember this room! It was our third time there. And Dimples noticed that too when he finally came. I noticed that he bought ice cream. Now this is his signature play! I knew we were on to a wild time in bed. Won’t give details, as usual, he is gave an amazing performance. Wild! Really! We were both sweating after that!
It’s his rest day and he has plans. I am not included in his plans because I still have to work later in the night. I have no problem with that. Totally understand that he has to do things on his own. Besides, I have a life too. I just wish we can watch a movie tomorrow before I go to work. He won't be back to work til Thursday. It sucks that he doesn't have a weekend off like he used to. It's much easier to spend time together that way. Meantime, we do our best to make time for each other whenever we can.
We decided to eat pizza for breakfast. I know, weird food for a morning meal, but that’s what he wants. But while we were waiting for our pizza, he was teasing me with the lips and looks. I can’t handle it anymore and told him that I’d be frustrated anyway because I won’t get a kiss yet again. He burned his lips when he ate boiled eggs that he reheated in the microwave. Suddenly asked, if I want to take out our food instead and go to our place.
Imagine my surprise! I didn’t think anymore, told him I won’t refuse! Learned my lesson, last week, we kinda have a frustrating breakfast because we both wanted to have our time but nobody wants to ask for it. This time around, I didn’t hesitate that I want to spend alone time with him.
To cut the long story short, we did go to our place. Funny thing is, I went ahead and ordered for a room because he had to stop by at a convenience store and buy some stuff. As I was getting off the cab, the room boy remembers me and bid me a good morning with a big smile on his face. He knows I am a regular already and asked where my partner is. Told him he is coming and let him go to the room when he arrives. Room 301, I remember this room! It was our third time there. And Dimples noticed that too when he finally came. I noticed that he bought ice cream. Now this is his signature play! I knew we were on to a wild time in bed. Won’t give details, as usual, he is gave an amazing performance. Wild! Really! We were both sweating after that!
It’s his rest day and he has plans. I am not included in his plans because I still have to work later in the night. I have no problem with that. Totally understand that he has to do things on his own. Besides, I have a life too. I just wish we can watch a movie tomorrow before I go to work. He won't be back to work til Thursday. It sucks that he doesn't have a weekend off like he used to. It's much easier to spend time together that way. Meantime, we do our best to make time for each other whenever we can.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
How Secured Am I?
Sometimes I don't know if everything I do, say and spend with Dimples is all worth the heartache. For some reason, I am wary of my relationship with him. I dunno why but I just can't seem to feel any security. Sometimes I feel that it's because of our age difference, I'm turning 41 this year and he is only 28. Not to mention that I am not very good looking myself but have been very good at maintaining my weight proportionate to my height, some say I don't actually look 40 but early 30s.
Part of my insecurity perhaps is the way PLUs look at him wherever we are walking. I don't know if its because he is giving the looks or if he really is a hot item for PLUs. Whatever the reason is, it makes me feel uncomfortable that other guys are very bold in their actions that will give him signals of interest when I am walking really close to him, obviously as a partner. I swear, one these days I'll throwing punches. And there are times that I see his eyes wander. He just couldn't look at other guys discreetly. One time, we were at the night food market in Glorietta and he saw a tall stocky guy with trimmed beard, his weakness, I must say. His eyes followed the guy, he even suggested we go the other way so we can bump into him. Dimples didn't know that I knew, but it really ruined my night. I let it pass but I told him what I felt after a couple of days.
We talked about it and he didn't challenge my observation. He plainly couldn't avoid he told me. It hurt me so much that from then on I felt that he will be gone, it'll just be a matter of time. Sad but true in any kind of relationship or partnership.
What am I going to do? Sometimes I wanna give up, but really each time I think about ending our relationship I see him and nothing really matters anymore. I know now that I love him, unconditionally. I wouldn't give him money, clothes, or even take him to expensive restaurants if I don't love him. He has a job, but he is helping his family, so I took it upon myself to help him out and he appreciates it. Sometimes though, I feel the only thing that keeps our relationship is my money. And that really, really scares me. I hope I am wrong.
Part of my insecurity perhaps is the way PLUs look at him wherever we are walking. I don't know if its because he is giving the looks or if he really is a hot item for PLUs. Whatever the reason is, it makes me feel uncomfortable that other guys are very bold in their actions that will give him signals of interest when I am walking really close to him, obviously as a partner. I swear, one these days I'll throwing punches. And there are times that I see his eyes wander. He just couldn't look at other guys discreetly. One time, we were at the night food market in Glorietta and he saw a tall stocky guy with trimmed beard, his weakness, I must say. His eyes followed the guy, he even suggested we go the other way so we can bump into him. Dimples didn't know that I knew, but it really ruined my night. I let it pass but I told him what I felt after a couple of days.
We talked about it and he didn't challenge my observation. He plainly couldn't avoid he told me. It hurt me so much that from then on I felt that he will be gone, it'll just be a matter of time. Sad but true in any kind of relationship or partnership.
What am I going to do? Sometimes I wanna give up, but really each time I think about ending our relationship I see him and nothing really matters anymore. I know now that I love him, unconditionally. I wouldn't give him money, clothes, or even take him to expensive restaurants if I don't love him. He has a job, but he is helping his family, so I took it upon myself to help him out and he appreciates it. Sometimes though, I feel the only thing that keeps our relationship is my money. And that really, really scares me. I hope I am wrong.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
The Dreaded HIV Test
Finding the courage to do any kind of medical test is nerve wracking. The agony of finding out if you're sick is something that everybody dreads, I guess rich or poor cuz it's not a question of affordability rather of someone's psychological preparedness. No one is prepared to accept the fact that there is something wrong with their body.
So that's how Dimples and I felt when we went to RITM in Malate to do the HIV and STD screening, we owe it to ourselves so we did it on a Monday thinking that there won't be too many people doing it at the same as we were. We were wrong! When we got to the center, around 3 more guys were already busy filling out the necessary forms in order to do the test. Another couple walked in after us and two more women. Definitely a more discreet crowd than the first attempted to go there.
So we were handed forms and got ourselves busy. I can still feel the tension between Dimples and I. Really, the fear of finding if you have it or not is very stressful. I guess more for him, because of some carelessness of his youth. He sat two seats over and when I scooted beside him, he moved another seat and kept a seat between us. I was crushed. Wasn't interested in whatever information he is stating in the form, not peeking at all. Was merely asking for his presence because my nerve is getting to run on all time high. But I let him deal with his own fear.
We were told to go up to the conference room for a group pre-test counseling since there were at least 8 other people to be tested. He chose a seat all the way to back, while I had no choice but sit at the front. Didn't want to take a seat beside the other dudes, didn't want any conversation whatsoever when I am very nervous. Dimples asked me after a few minutes anyway to sit beside him. So I felt some relief.
After the counselor's talk we went down to wait for the nurse to do the blood extraction. More people came, some just like the two us were very nervous coming in. Thats when it hit me. Everyone is scared, probably even ashamed of being in the test center. The impression of being promiscuous is most likely in everybody's minds. I mean who wants to be branded that way?
After a few minutes Dimples and I called to the extraction room and were told that it'll take about 2 to 3 hours to get the result. Apparently the medical technologist hasn't arrived yet. So we thought it'll be quick and easy but our agony was extended through the rest of the afternoon. We decided to go to Robinson's Malate, a short walk from RITM. Got there very early so we waited for the doors to open. Once we got, went around looking for something to eat. I suggested we eat at Yakimix since hasn't tried it yet.
Dimples enjoyed the food. Grilling the food made his worries temporarily forgotten. We stayed there til around half past two. Walked back to RITM after a great lunch.
When we got there though, the results were not ready yet. We were told the medical technologist just arrived and was still running the tests. It was an agonizing two hours of waiting for the result. People were coming in and out. There is no discreetness anymore. The center promised, not anonymity but at least some level of comfortability for the people doing the test. They understand everyone's situation after all. But because the center is packed to the rim every ounce of confidentiality is forgotten. The med tech came down to chat a bit with us. Asking if it was our first time, who referred us, etc etc etc. Then the staff or volunteers had a quick lunch of bread. They were nice enough to offer their food but no one dared to grab a sandwich.
After seemed an eternity, we were called one by one. I was second to he ushered to the post-test counseling. I was cutting off the counselor because I had no time to listen to some bullshit when I have already spent the whole day waiting for the test result. It was close to 5pm already and we started the test in the morning. The counselor was apologetic about the delay but at that point it didn't matter anymore was tired and sleepy. Still have to work in the evening.
When the counselor finally gave me the result, I immediately opened the envelope, one big negative word was written at the bottom of the page. Great! That means Dimples is cleared as well, was thinking at the back of my mind.
Dimples's turn was not after a little prodding to the nurse. We were telling her we still have to sleep and go to work later in the evening. And so he was called to the room. It took him longer than I did. Was getting anxious, several things ran in my mind. But alas he came out of the room with a big smile. He was handing me his envelope instructing me to open it. But I didn't do it because the rest of the people in the room were looking at us. We said our thanks to the volunteers and left.
He wanted to go Robinson's again, so we did. He said he wanted to buy new books to read. I guess to celebrate the good news. He is back to being himself at this point. I was happy and so was he.
We were both RELIEVED to have gotten the negative result that we both were praying for. Will we do unprotected sex again? Oh yes we did! Twice already, but we have committed to be more responsible and wear the much needed protection next time. We owe it to ourselves. We love ourselves. We must not falter even when we are weak.
So that's how Dimples and I felt when we went to RITM in Malate to do the HIV and STD screening, we owe it to ourselves so we did it on a Monday thinking that there won't be too many people doing it at the same as we were. We were wrong! When we got to the center, around 3 more guys were already busy filling out the necessary forms in order to do the test. Another couple walked in after us and two more women. Definitely a more discreet crowd than the first attempted to go there.
So we were handed forms and got ourselves busy. I can still feel the tension between Dimples and I. Really, the fear of finding if you have it or not is very stressful. I guess more for him, because of some carelessness of his youth. He sat two seats over and when I scooted beside him, he moved another seat and kept a seat between us. I was crushed. Wasn't interested in whatever information he is stating in the form, not peeking at all. Was merely asking for his presence because my nerve is getting to run on all time high. But I let him deal with his own fear.
We were told to go up to the conference room for a group pre-test counseling since there were at least 8 other people to be tested. He chose a seat all the way to back, while I had no choice but sit at the front. Didn't want to take a seat beside the other dudes, didn't want any conversation whatsoever when I am very nervous. Dimples asked me after a few minutes anyway to sit beside him. So I felt some relief.
After the counselor's talk we went down to wait for the nurse to do the blood extraction. More people came, some just like the two us were very nervous coming in. Thats when it hit me. Everyone is scared, probably even ashamed of being in the test center. The impression of being promiscuous is most likely in everybody's minds. I mean who wants to be branded that way?
After a few minutes Dimples and I called to the extraction room and were told that it'll take about 2 to 3 hours to get the result. Apparently the medical technologist hasn't arrived yet. So we thought it'll be quick and easy but our agony was extended through the rest of the afternoon. We decided to go to Robinson's Malate, a short walk from RITM. Got there very early so we waited for the doors to open. Once we got, went around looking for something to eat. I suggested we eat at Yakimix since hasn't tried it yet.
Dimples enjoyed the food. Grilling the food made his worries temporarily forgotten. We stayed there til around half past two. Walked back to RITM after a great lunch.
When we got there though, the results were not ready yet. We were told the medical technologist just arrived and was still running the tests. It was an agonizing two hours of waiting for the result. People were coming in and out. There is no discreetness anymore. The center promised, not anonymity but at least some level of comfortability for the people doing the test. They understand everyone's situation after all. But because the center is packed to the rim every ounce of confidentiality is forgotten. The med tech came down to chat a bit with us. Asking if it was our first time, who referred us, etc etc etc. Then the staff or volunteers had a quick lunch of bread. They were nice enough to offer their food but no one dared to grab a sandwich.
After seemed an eternity, we were called one by one. I was second to he ushered to the post-test counseling. I was cutting off the counselor because I had no time to listen to some bullshit when I have already spent the whole day waiting for the test result. It was close to 5pm already and we started the test in the morning. The counselor was apologetic about the delay but at that point it didn't matter anymore was tired and sleepy. Still have to work in the evening.
When the counselor finally gave me the result, I immediately opened the envelope, one big negative word was written at the bottom of the page. Great! That means Dimples is cleared as well, was thinking at the back of my mind.
Dimples's turn was not after a little prodding to the nurse. We were telling her we still have to sleep and go to work later in the evening. And so he was called to the room. It took him longer than I did. Was getting anxious, several things ran in my mind. But alas he came out of the room with a big smile. He was handing me his envelope instructing me to open it. But I didn't do it because the rest of the people in the room were looking at us. We said our thanks to the volunteers and left.
He wanted to go Robinson's again, so we did. He said he wanted to buy new books to read. I guess to celebrate the good news. He is back to being himself at this point. I was happy and so was he.
We were both RELIEVED to have gotten the negative result that we both were praying for. Will we do unprotected sex again? Oh yes we did! Twice already, but we have committed to be more responsible and wear the much needed protection next time. We owe it to ourselves. We love ourselves. We must not falter even when we are weak.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Blast in Batad
The weekend before Valentine's Day, Dimples and I went to a hiking trip to the rice terraces of Batad in Banaue. We had a blast!
The hike up to the top of the rice terraces and then down to the waterfalls was tough. But the hike up from the falls to go back where we came started was definitely a killer! I don't know the exact elevation, but it was certainly a test of stamina and endurance. My legs were shaking and had to stop numerous times to rest. Dimples was sweet enough to wait for me and either carry my 5-pound tripod or my camera bag. I am a photo hobbyist so when we decided to make the trip, I planned to take pictures of the landscape. Don't know where he got his strength but I though between the two of us I have the advantage because I've running consistently 3x a week. I realized that hiking is different from running on flat road.
When we got reached the inn that we were staying at, I ordered for food right away and probably a pitcher of water. Hungry, thirsty and tired we were both. Our guide surprisingly still had some energy and was offering massage. We declined because we both just wanted to rest. So after eating, we went to our room, showered and tried to rest our tired bodies. For some reason Dimples still had the energy for some romancing and that made our stay in Batad really special.
The following morning, while looking out the rice terraces with some fog, we had breakfast together at the restaurant of the inn. Took some photos of us together, definitely we had fun!
And everything went downhill after that. A couple of hours before we got on the bus, we had a misunderstanding that we we'rent talking from that point. We both came to our senses an hour before we reached Manila. So all is well that ends well.
This is just the first of hopefully many trips that we are going to do together. I am hoping to go to the beach next.
The hike up to the top of the rice terraces and then down to the waterfalls was tough. But the hike up from the falls to go back where we came started was definitely a killer! I don't know the exact elevation, but it was certainly a test of stamina and endurance. My legs were shaking and had to stop numerous times to rest. Dimples was sweet enough to wait for me and either carry my 5-pound tripod or my camera bag. I am a photo hobbyist so when we decided to make the trip, I planned to take pictures of the landscape. Don't know where he got his strength but I though between the two of us I have the advantage because I've running consistently 3x a week. I realized that hiking is different from running on flat road.
When we got reached the inn that we were staying at, I ordered for food right away and probably a pitcher of water. Hungry, thirsty and tired we were both. Our guide surprisingly still had some energy and was offering massage. We declined because we both just wanted to rest. So after eating, we went to our room, showered and tried to rest our tired bodies. For some reason Dimples still had the energy for some romancing and that made our stay in Batad really special.
The following morning, while looking out the rice terraces with some fog, we had breakfast together at the restaurant of the inn. Took some photos of us together, definitely we had fun!
And everything went downhill after that. A couple of hours before we got on the bus, we had a misunderstanding that we we'rent talking from that point. We both came to our senses an hour before we reached Manila. So all is well that ends well.
This is just the first of hopefully many trips that we are going to do together. I am hoping to go to the beach next.
Monday, March 11, 2013
You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do
Since Dimples and I have been doing it for sometime now. Mostly with protection but lately, we have been careless and just didn't mind doing it without any rubber on. We have very actively getting it on, at least once a week. I have been faithful to him so I am sure that I am very much clean. Got no past so to speak as well, so he has nothing to worry about.
He has a past though, don't wanna discuss it here but he told me since we got together, he has not seen anybody but me. I have no reason to doubt him. Still, we both have to be sure. So I suggested that we both get tested for HIV. He agreed with some hesitations. I totally understand that and attempted to make him go with me at the testing center three more times until one Saturday that on impulse and likely disgust with me that he agreed to go.
We met at a convenience store near RITM in Malate. I could tell how uneasy and uncomfortable he was. He didn't know that deep inside me, was shaking, my nerves is sending waves like an earthquake. Was playing it cool but the short walk to the testing center was like a death march! And I thought I have prepared myself for whatever is gonna happen before and after the test.
When we got to RITM, a group of men was entering the clinic about the same time we were coming in. Without saying word we both walked past the center then decided to go ahead and walk back. Shocked we both are when we opened the door. It was packed! Obviously we left.
Was still shaking as we were walking away from the clinic. We couldn't figure which way to go. He said to the mall. I suggested to go to our place, Sohotel. To calm our nerves, more mine to be honest. He agreed!
Truth be told, I didn't expect that I'd be very much scared to say the least. At the motel, we talked! It was a revelation for us both. I got Dimples to talk about his past relationships and how careful they were. It didn't surprise me that he had more experience than I do and that he would most often spent intimate moments with random guys without any protection. It scared me a bit, I had to be honest. I had my own share of careless escapades. We were even to some extent.
So we agreed to do it sometime that following week. He said Monday is perfect and I hesitated again but he made sure that he wants to do it. We committed to each other that no matter what happens we are gonna stick with each other. He was scared too because of his careless actions. But we gotta do what we must do!
After that great conversation followed passionate kisses that lead to a wild lovemaking. Details of which I'll keep to myself. Dimples is just amazing in bed, it's one of the things I love about him! I guess that's also why he has a psycho ex who's bugging him every now and then. Hmmm. I wonder if I'll be a psycho too if anything bad happens to our relationship... But I digress...
Next I'll talk about our experience at the testing center.
He has a past though, don't wanna discuss it here but he told me since we got together, he has not seen anybody but me. I have no reason to doubt him. Still, we both have to be sure. So I suggested that we both get tested for HIV. He agreed with some hesitations. I totally understand that and attempted to make him go with me at the testing center three more times until one Saturday that on impulse and likely disgust with me that he agreed to go.
We met at a convenience store near RITM in Malate. I could tell how uneasy and uncomfortable he was. He didn't know that deep inside me, was shaking, my nerves is sending waves like an earthquake. Was playing it cool but the short walk to the testing center was like a death march! And I thought I have prepared myself for whatever is gonna happen before and after the test.
When we got to RITM, a group of men was entering the clinic about the same time we were coming in. Without saying word we both walked past the center then decided to go ahead and walk back. Shocked we both are when we opened the door. It was packed! Obviously we left.
Was still shaking as we were walking away from the clinic. We couldn't figure which way to go. He said to the mall. I suggested to go to our place, Sohotel. To calm our nerves, more mine to be honest. He agreed!
Truth be told, I didn't expect that I'd be very much scared to say the least. At the motel, we talked! It was a revelation for us both. I got Dimples to talk about his past relationships and how careful they were. It didn't surprise me that he had more experience than I do and that he would most often spent intimate moments with random guys without any protection. It scared me a bit, I had to be honest. I had my own share of careless escapades. We were even to some extent.
So we agreed to do it sometime that following week. He said Monday is perfect and I hesitated again but he made sure that he wants to do it. We committed to each other that no matter what happens we are gonna stick with each other. He was scared too because of his careless actions. But we gotta do what we must do!
After that great conversation followed passionate kisses that lead to a wild lovemaking. Details of which I'll keep to myself. Dimples is just amazing in bed, it's one of the things I love about him! I guess that's also why he has a psycho ex who's bugging him every now and then. Hmmm. I wonder if I'll be a psycho too if anything bad happens to our relationship... But I digress...
Next I'll talk about our experience at the testing center.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I Am Back!
I haven't gotten the time to post a new entry. Been very busy with work and Dimples at the same time. So much has happened and changed, just haven't gotten the time to put them all to writing.
However, I am very happy to announce that Dimples and I are together for over 3 months now. He asked me on the 28th of November 2012 while we were having coffee at Starbucks at Shangrila EDSA, if I want us to be partners, because he feels strongly that we are destined to be partners. At that time, I was thinking that everything is happening so soon. We've only known each other barely 3 weeks and he is already asking me to be officially together. But hey, who am I to refuse. So we sealed it with a two drinks in hand, mine was a passion tea (weird coincidence now that I mention it) and his was a chocolate chip frap. It was a night I can't forget, unfortunately, he didn't even remember that. So it was a big issue between us months after. He only found out about the date we agreed to be partners last month, when I greeted him a happy 3rd month. Oh well, there are many things that we both have done, amazingly I don't recall every single event. But our date is our date and I dunno how I can forgive him for that. The thing is, whatever he lacks, he compensates in other ways. Because of that, I am willing to cut him some slack and give him a chance to prove that he is serious with our relationship.
I can't say how happy I am with Dimples. I won't let myself under some form of suffering, cuz sometimes, he is very moody and that kinda changes the dynamics of our relationship. Can't tell how many times I've been frustrated and wanted to let him go. Every time I think it’s the end though, I see him and I start to feel again. He is my narcotics after all.
All I can do is hope. Admittedly, he could be bad for me. But I am in love and he makes me happy. That's all that matters to me right now.
Will post our Banaue adventure next...
However, I am very happy to announce that Dimples and I are together for over 3 months now. He asked me on the 28th of November 2012 while we were having coffee at Starbucks at Shangrila EDSA, if I want us to be partners, because he feels strongly that we are destined to be partners. At that time, I was thinking that everything is happening so soon. We've only known each other barely 3 weeks and he is already asking me to be officially together. But hey, who am I to refuse. So we sealed it with a two drinks in hand, mine was a passion tea (weird coincidence now that I mention it) and his was a chocolate chip frap. It was a night I can't forget, unfortunately, he didn't even remember that. So it was a big issue between us months after. He only found out about the date we agreed to be partners last month, when I greeted him a happy 3rd month. Oh well, there are many things that we both have done, amazingly I don't recall every single event. But our date is our date and I dunno how I can forgive him for that. The thing is, whatever he lacks, he compensates in other ways. Because of that, I am willing to cut him some slack and give him a chance to prove that he is serious with our relationship.
I can't say how happy I am with Dimples. I won't let myself under some form of suffering, cuz sometimes, he is very moody and that kinda changes the dynamics of our relationship. Can't tell how many times I've been frustrated and wanted to let him go. Every time I think it’s the end though, I see him and I start to feel again. He is my narcotics after all.
All I can do is hope. Admittedly, he could be bad for me. But I am in love and he makes me happy. That's all that matters to me right now.
Will post our Banaue adventure next...
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