Back To The Grind

Starting tomorrow, I will be working again as an IT Recruiter. Will be working nights, weekend off and will be following the US holidays. Of course, will be working on local holidays with double pay. Best of both worlds!

But I am a little sad that I will not be spending as much time as I want with Dimples. He will be working nights as well but our rest days will not be in sync. Oh well, we will try to work it out I'm sure.

We had been going out since Wednesday. He is usually the one who asks if we can have dinner before he go to work at 11pm. I never said no to his invitation, cuz I really want to spend more time with him. I know that when I start with this new job, I'd have difficulty finding time to be with him. So I didn't mind going to the Ortigas area just to spend a few hours with him.

So let's see how things will go from tomorrow. This will be a merry christmas I know, because I have a new job and the job pays well!

Alone Time Not Successful

Sunday. Had dinner at Banapple in Ayala Triangle and watched the lights. Was home pretty early, so I got bored at around nine in the evening. I decided to go to Starbucks People Support to catch up on my reading. I have to finish reading Life of Pi, I promised myself.

Went there and ordered venti Christmas Blend coffee. Love this brew! It has a bitter taste to it but very pleasant taste. At this point I realized that I haven't texted Dimples in 5 hours. Didn't want to text to invite to join me because it has only been less than 24 hours that we spent a passionate time together. Yet after an hour of debating with myself, found my fingers typing up a text. I was almost done, when a text from him came in. So I told him where I was and he was annoyed that I didn't tell him earlier. He said he was having a late night snack and if I want I could go over to join him. Didn't want to go to his area so I suggested that we meet at Northpark instead.

Long story short, we had a great time. Our conversation is varied, but most of the time goes back to  music and books. Never a dull moment. He is definitely growing on me.

Second Invite...

Wasn't doing anything Saturday night. But was surprised to get another invite from Dimple to go to his apartment. His roomies are at work, he was along and getting horny, so he said. I didn't know if he was teasing me so I had to play hard to get. When I finally realized he was being real, I immediately prepared to leave in 5 minutes. Couldn't remember how to get to his place but was very lucky to have hailed a cab who knows the area. I was literally at his doorstep in 10 minutes.

I went there with the hope that something romantic will happen. And he didn't disappoint, he was humping like a bunny so we both came not very long in the play. But short as it may have been, we literally covered the small space of his studio and ended up in the bathroom. It was a very hot evening indeed!

First Is A First

So I spent Friday night at Dimple's apartment. He invited me back and that was big surprise. He told me a while back that he can't bring men he go out with to the apartment he shares with two friends because that's a rule they have agreed upon even before they moved in last year. I was doing virtual cartwheels, really! We went to his place and it was a nice studio apartment especially for 3 bachelors. We sat on his bed but he won't sit still, moving around and trying to fix things inside the apartment. I can tell he is very uneasy, but I was just cool. When he finally sat down beside me, he gave me a long but very lustful kiss. i was even panting when we broke up from the lip locking. I stayed for another hour and all we did was make up and grope each other. We never got to the point of undressing each other. I wasn't expecting anything to happen that nigh, but it would've been great if we did go all the way. I am a patient man, if he didn't want to do it, I can wait. I waited long enough so it won't hurt if I wait for another day, week or month… Didn't realize it was part of his game. He was teasing me til I beg for him to make love to me again. I wan't giving in, well at least on that night. lol.. 

But I definitely needed to release the heat. So I had to jack off when I got home. How I wished he was with me to help me release that heat! 

Dimples said that I am the first guy he ever brought back to his apartment. Hmmm… I dunno what to think of it… But I surely don't have to over analyze things. What's important is that he made me feel very special and I am loving it. 

Will It Work?

Four days ago, I asked Dimples, if we can be exclusives. We are acting like we have a relationship anyway so I was thinking if he is spending so much of his time with me, might as well label our current situation. I am not ready for a stronger commitment, if it happens I will gladly accept it. Call this a testing point before we officially commit to each other as boyfriends.

He said he is cool with the idea. But then the the other night, I asked what he really want from me. Cuz I feel that he is more serious than I am with him. I don't know if he was kidding, but he said he wants us to be boyfriends. Whew! I am not really ready for that but I told him that it that's what he wants I'm down with it! But lost the moment cuz it took me a few seconds to answer him. He felt bad, so did I. It's just that everything is happing too soon for both of us. I am just afraid that it might go the other way. So I wanna take things slowly, but sometimes, people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out things. That who he is and what he is doing to me. Guess, I should not resist this anymore, it will happen anyway.

Will this work? God only knows.

Two Weeks And Counting...

It's been two weeks that Dimples and I have been seeing each other. He is growing into me more and more each day. I'm still getting to know him and every day, I am surprised at the things that I learn from him. 

Dimples apparently is into almost the same type of music that I like. The only difference is that he knows every lyrics and title of the songs that we both like. I never care for them, unless I really love the song, I'd learn the words but most of the time, it's just the melody that I am most interested in.  Well I found out about his passion for music when we went out last Saturday night after his shift. Didn't intend for us to have an intimate time that night, I though we'd only have dinner, he had other things planned for us… So we went to the nearest motel in the Malate area, I think it's our second time there, for sure we'll frequent this place. Very convenient for both of us, clean and provides lube and rubber… 

But anyhow, we we're just cuddling when he pulled out his smartphone to play the latest playlist he had prepared. I was ecstatic about it. I think it was sweet of him to take time to arrange a playlist just for that night. I like all the songs in his playlist, so I ended up copying the songs. My favorite is Thousand Years by Christina Perri and Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. Oh and I didn't know that Bamboo has a cover of Adele's Someone Like You…. 

He also listens to Above and Beyond, EBTG, Gorillaz, The Fray, David Guetta, U2, Lady Antebellum, Jason Mraz, Alicia Keys,  and many more artists… But he said he kinda prefer the UK artists versus the American artists. And I agree the UK artists has better musicality than their American counterparts. I guess Americans know how to properly promote their albums better that's why they are more successful. However, when a UK artist makes it big in songlandia, they really hit it big! Look at the success that boyband One Direction is experiencing right now! 

His personality is showing in the type of music that he plays. Very eclectic but discerning taste. I think that's the way he is, it's also evident in his food choice, and probably men too. Well, he probably has lowered his standard when he met me… lol… 

Still having fun talking, texting and meeting him. I really hope he is not a fluke and I will not be disappointed. 

Confused

Between Dimples and Mr. Bedminton, I can't decide whom I like the most. One thing for sure, I'm more emotionally attached to Dimples, I can probably spend all day with him talking about anything under the sun and will never be tired or bored. While with Mr. Bedminton, I can't last an hour, he doesn't read books, not into music and so we have limited topics to talk about.

In the bedroom department, they both have their own qualities. Tool size don't matter to me, well at least for now. I am more concerned about my emotional attachment to the guy I am with than size. Mr. Bedminton is very agressive in bed, his actions are mostly forceful, touch, kiss, humping, everything! My passiveness in bed is totally achieved when he is performing. While Dimples is not as agressive, he has the tendency to be more romantic, his kisses are soft and gentle, and he makes sure that everything he does is going to be a fun experience for both of us. Dimples like long foreplay, while Mr. Bedminton is not but can perform two times in a row. Having said that, I couldn't decide which I prefer in the bedroom.

Dimples is more carefree, I think it's because he is younger. When we are together, he would steal a kiss on my lips, hold my hand or discreetly touch my finger. He definitely knows how to hold my guard down. While Mr. Bedminton don't do any of it while in public, so I can be as discreet as I can be when I am with him. This is still confusing for me...

I am trying to make a good assessment of my current situation with both guys. Sooner or later I'll have to take things to the next level with either. Maybe, it is too early to think about that, but this is me. I try over analyze everything. And probably because I am too old and too tired to find a good partner.

Meantime, I'll chill with both guys and see how it's going to go. I can't force anything if it's not meant to be.

Time To Heal Old Wounds

Time to heal old wounds. Wounds created by family members. I just don't know how and when to start. 

My father has passed on for several years now, if you ask me how long, I really don't know. I was living abroad when he left this world, so I wasn't able to bury him. Well, it would have been an awkward feeling if I was home at the time, cuz I really don't know what would I've done. Me and my father did not get along well. Let's put it this way, if I were given a choice, I wouldn't pick him to be my father much so my mother's better half. Because he was never a good father to us or a great husband to my mom. He was both physically and verbally abusive, an alcoholic and didn't care for anybody but himself. 

Sad to say that I don't recall a happy moment with him. This is why me and m brothers are badly broken. I am not going to blame him for everything that happened to me or my brothers because each one of us have a choice. I chose to better my situation, study harder and get out of the shit that I was in when i was living in the same roof as he was; my brothers chose a different path sad to say. But for some reason, anger, hatred and indifference has kept me from really moving forward. I find it hard to hard to relate, trust and keep good connection with people. It is the reason why I keep a small group of friends, mostly from my high school years. They know my story and they will never judge me for being who I am. 

So I am writing about my father today, because my youngest brother asked me earlier if I want to go to our house in Cavite and visit him at the graveyard. Instantly, I felt the need to see him and finally release him and myself from the trap that I have made myself. I am tired, and I want him to know that I have already forgiven him, but I needed to see him one last time albeit in the graveyard. However, I am not ready yet… I don't know if I ever will, I really don't know what's holding me back. Maybe real forgiveness is not offered yet. But I promised myself to go next week, alone. This has to be done, sooner than later. My little brother understood me, so he will go all by himself.  I envy my brother because he has moved on. It's probably time for a brotherly talk over coffee or tequila! 

But before that day happens I am committing myself to go to our house in Cavite sometime next week and visit his graveyard, offer him flowers and light a candle. When I have done that, I know I have made a step to healing. Inshallah. 

When Do I Decide to Choose?

This is very tough. I don't want to be in a position where I have to choose between two guys because I can't really be with two guys at the same time. Although it is too early to say, I just can't imagine cutting someone off my life. I hope that will never come.

Meantime, chill, chill!

I Wonder Why?

Had a great lunch with an old friend from Infonxx days. Didn't know he's gay until today. I was teasing him because I felt that he was interested in me at the time we working together. I told him how he would always find a a way to be seated next to my workstation even when I am already far from the rest of the pack. He was obnoxiously loud during calls so I would often stay away from him. 

He doesn't know that like him, I like men too. I didn't come out to him today, or will ever. I just don't want to mix friendship and my second identity. I'd leave it like that. I don't want to get into a complicated situation. He has been out for quite sometime and his network of bisexuals is immensely huge. He's popular in that circle, especially in the chub world, I think he is a chub-chaser. A review of his Facebook wall will reveal he is mostly spending time with chubby to heavy set people.  And his boyfriend is a chubby too. Nothing wrong with that. I am a chub, at least that's probably the reason why he spends time with me. 

I remember back in 2003, he went with me to the Networld Spa on Roxas Boulevard. Now this is a legit spa, where most of the clients are Japanese and Koreans. I go here because because they've got great wet floor area, the hot and cold jacuzzi, steam room, and dry sauna. I can spend about 30 minutes in the wet area before going to the massage area. But the time he came with me, we we're talking for two hours. It's like a game of musical chairs, only this time, we move from hot to cold jacuzzi, then to sauna then back to cold jacuzzi then to the steam room and back to cold jacuzzi. By the time we were through, my skin was already dry. He didn't opt to take the massage so I went ahead. He went him instead. 

Today, I recalled that spa day and how he wanted to come out to me but I was blocking him from speaking. I felt that he wanted to come to me with the hope that I will too. I wasn't ready at time, maybe was more afraid that he will invite me to spend time alone. 

However, when he came out to me earlier, I still couldn't tell him I am bi. I don't know why. He probably knows already and he is just assuming. Oh well, he can only assume so much, until my lips are ready to spit it out to him. 

I wonder why I am making my life so seemingly frustrating. 

It's Only Getting Better

Yesterday, I went to a job interview in the Ortigas area. I asked Dimples for directions because I am not familiar to the area where the company is located. What he didn't tell me is that it's at the same building where he is going to start working as of yesterday. He only told me when we met before he started his training. You see, after my interview, I went to Old Manila Coffee House at Galleria to relax and enjoy the good ol' coffee. He texted me asking where I was, and told me to wait for him at the coffee shop. 

So I waited, it didn't take him long to get there. He dropped the hiring packet on the table upon seeing me and it put a big smile on my face. I saw the name of the company that hired him. No it wasn't the same company I interviewed earlier but it's in the same building! Now, I am really excited. I am keeping my fingers crossed on my job application, I want to get this job so badly now that I know there is a big opportunity for the two us to work in the same building. 

My mind suddenly ran wild. Ever heard of FUNCH? Well, if you don't have any idea, Funch is sex during lunch! I haven't done that, ever. For the first time, I so badly want to experience it with him. Told him about it and he said he hasn't experienced it as well. I would be really disappointed if I don't get a call back from this company I interviewed for yesterday! 

On the other hand, Mr. Bedminton, also texted me yesterday. Asking if I could wait for him to get off from work so we can go his apartment. I was already on my way back to my house when I got his text. Missed opportunity. Maybe tomorrow is a better day, we agreed. 

On another note, I didn't want to take a cab back to my house so I looked for the Ortigas train station. I didn't know why I couldn't find it. What a dumbass! So I decided to take the bus instead, however, I took the wrong bus. It's been a long time since I last rode a public bus. Definitely, I didn't have a clue which one to take. So I ended up at MOA. I am supposed to take a bus that would ply the Buendia/Pasay Route. Oh well, lesson learned, I have to re-learn Manila's public tranpo system. 

Jealousy

I received a text from Mr. Bedminton, EMO text. Well, because my attention has been directed to Dimples for the last 3 days, I haven't really given Mr. Bedminton any. So he is a little disappointed that I talk to him less via text messages.

Hmmm... Is this how it feels to be in a multiple dating space? Pretty tough!

Dimples For The Third Straight Day

This is really something. I saw Dimples earlier today for the 3rd straight day. We had lunch at Tokyo Tokyo MOA and then decided to watch a movie. But before going to the movie, we browsed for books at Fully Booked. He showed me the stuff that he reads, some of them I already read before but majority of his books I've never consider to read.

True to himself, he teased me again, in one of the aisle, he touched me, swiped my mid section that I right away got a hard on. He also touched me there. I can't believe I can do that in a public area. But I can say, I'm pleased at myself for exploring this kind of game. I am liking it!

So he picked the movie to watch, Wreck It Ralph. It was nice 3D movie, funny and full of surprises. As  in all the surprises of the movie, I was amazed at myself as well. Didn't know I could watch and make up at the same time. Never done that before! Again, Dimples has shown me how to be adventurous. I am discovering myself as I spend more time with him.

He introduced me to the art of licking fingers. Boy oh boy, oh boy! His tongue can make me come by just sucking and licking my fingers. I want to kiss him every time he would ran his wet tongue through my middle finger. He would slowly move or suck both my middle and ring fingers! Ecstasy!

This is really too good to be true. I have added him on my Facebook just to know more about him. And I have a feeling, Dimples is on a rebound. His status updates are showing some relationship problems. I could be wrong. Keeping my fingers crossed, I don't want him to break my heart, I am beginning to really like him.

What A Great Weekend!

This is weekend is extra special for me. Saturday night, I met Dimples, had a great time together. He is different, intelligent, got some humor, very good communicator and his smile can rival Mona Lisa's. Definitely, I'm hoping to get to know him better, I want to believe he does think the same way on me.

Imagine my surprise when I got a text from him asking if we can have dinner. Didn't expect it cuz it was too soon, its not even 24 hours since we last saw each other. But what am I going to do? Won't refuse a chance to be with him, had to find a good excuse to escape for a few hours from the chaos in my house. 

So we had dinner at Army Navy, he didn't want to eat there at first. He's not familiar to their food he confessed. So we decided to go to Pizza Hut only to find our way back to Army Navy. He ordered burger while I had soft tacos. While we were waiting for our orders, he was brushing his legs to mine. We were wearing shorts, so the feeling was so intense. Dimples is a teaser, while he was brushing his right leg to my left leg, his right pinky was playing with my left pinky. It was just the beginning of a seduction. When we were done eating, went to the bathroom to take a piss. It was just the two of us in the bathroom so he kissed me, which lasted for about 5 minutes. It was a first for me. Dimples has shown me how to be adventurous!

We wanted to talk after that, so we decided to have coffee at Starbucks. We talked for another hour or so until he mentioned he wants to kiss me again and be naughty in a private room. I was totally shocked upon hearing that. Cuz I didn't expect to have another bedroom play. Again, who am I to refuse it! So there, we went to the nearest hotel. And it was a full 3 hours of intense adult play! Dimples was wilder and bolder. I noticed that his actions are not rushed, his style is long passionate foreplay, which I definitely like. Most of the guys I've gone to bed with are almost always done in about an hour. Dimples can maximize the hotel or the motel time! I have to admit, it's a little bit exhausting, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

Another revelation is our passion for reading books. Found out that one of his favorite authors is Paulo Coelho and By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept is on of his favorite books. The same with me! I knew that he is different from the guys I've gone out with. Our wavelengths are about equal to some extent. I don't have a dull moment with him.

My concern is that he is too good to be true! I am waiting for the catch, I know there is something different about him. I will soon find out. Hopefully when I have not really fallen for him, because I am starting to like hm. 

Didn't Know Running Can Lead to Sex

For three weeks now, I regularly run along the Roxas Boulevard area from Vito Cruz to the Manila Hotel/Luneta Area. I noticed that there are a lot of eye contacts every time I run. Some interests me but  I didn't want to mix running and meeting guys. My goal really is to run and not something else. So I just ignore them.

I guess the whole universe aligned for me again tonight. Didn't plan to run, I have so far logged 25 miles for the week, so it is my rest day. Until I decided to walk for 3 miles. Let's just say that I was more observant about my surroundings and the people when walking than when running. I wasn't really looking for anything, but I was keeping my eyes open for anything. And boy did my eyes see this guy whom made a hot eye contact with me! Passed him, I looked back and so did he. Walked a little farther and looked over my shoulder, so did he.  Made a quick decision to stop walking and watch the waters instead. He is cute, definitely the physical attraction is there right away. Saw him walking back to my direction and stopped a few feet where I was standing. We chose a perfect location to talk, the coconut trees where covering us, its leaves was keeping the lights from the street lights.

We talked, exchanged our names and numbers. Touched each others private parts, he told me he is horny, but we both don't have a place. Darn, I told myself. Didn't have enough money to go to a motel. So we decided to walk back to my condo so I can get some money. He waited at a nearby 7-11.

We ended up at Sogo in Malate. I ordered a room with food because we were both hungry. He wanted to make a quick shower, but he couldn't seem to find his way to the bathroom. He was kissing me all over, sweet kisses! I don't normally kiss, with him, I find myself wanting to kiss more and more.  This is also the longest foreplay I've ever done! On a hindsight, I think it would have been alright if there was no actual sex. That's how good the foreplay was.

For the first time, I was with a guy whom I can comfortably talk to. We went to 7-11 for snacks then decided to get coffee at CBTL so we can talk some more. I like this guy, I wonder what I will call him?

Oh I know, Dimples... Cuz he has the cutest dimples!

Before we parted, Dimples asked if there will be second time. Definitely, I said! I want to get to know Dimples better. Not looking for a serious relationship, but he is someone I can see myself with.

Let's see where this will lead us! I plan to see him again later today. Invite him for dinner or run instead.

Got Nothing To Do

It's the weekend and I have no plans at all. I'll most likely just stay in and catch up on my favorite shows. I've downloaded the latest season of Spartacus. I bet I'd be wanting to meet some hot guy after watching Spartacus! They show the hottest men alive. Not to mention some frontal nudities. Hmmm...

Just look at these pictures!

Vito Cruise

I moved to the Vito Cruz area in July on this year. I know where to go if I want coffee, there's Starbucks, Coffee Prince and Seattle's Best. For food, there so many options that I don't have to name them here.  Convenience store, there's a couple of 7-11's and a mini stop, not to mention Korean Mini Grocery store at Citiland. Definitely, there are things to do, eat, hang out and what not in the area.

But last night, I was very thirsty, decided to go to 7-11 and buy Gatorade. I figured I needed to drink to hydrate better as I just came back from a 10K run. So I went out at around 11pm. Walked along Vito Cruz for the first time in the middle of the night. I didn't know how busy Vito Cruz is at night. People are outside the buildings smoking or just hanging out by the sidewalks.  There are a couple of knock off perfume vendors as well.

What caught my attention is that there is some kind of cruising in the area. As I was walking to back to my condo, I saw this guy making an eye contact. I looked at him because I was curious, unfortunately, I didn't have the time to take the bite, planned to sleep early because I have an early morning meeting. I saw from the corner of my eye that he is following me. I hastened and noticed that he stopped. But boy! I was very close to walking back to him! He is tall, good looking, fair skin and young! Just my kind of guy.

Maybe tonight I'll see him again. I plan to hang at Coffee Prince. If you are there you'd probably see me on my laptop trying to look busy but definitely looking for a hook up.

Oh Vito Cruise... I'm loving you!

Mr. Bedminton

I decided to name the guy I met in the bathroom at Harrison Plaza Mr. Bedminton. Why Mr. Bedminton? He plays badminton and because he is really good in bed as well.

We live not very far from each other. Mr. Bedminton knows that I regularly run along Roxas Blvd and CCP area in the evenings. So while I was resting at 5:30 in the afternoon, got a text from him asking if he can tag along because his game at the Villamor airbase is cancelled. I said yes right away. Usually, I start running at 6:00pm and finish in an hour so I'd be home at 7:30pm. Since he will come I had to wait and we started running at 7:30. It was a good easy run. We talked and he told me stories about his younger years. Mr. Bedminton is working me up, I realized too late. We started to rest by walking when we reached the old Manila Film Center. He was telling me how exciting that area was, I believe him because it was dark in that area and anything you want to do is possible in a light deprived area.

I thought right away that it would be nice to take photographs of the sunset from there and perhaps do a little bit of urban exploration. Little did I know that he has  other agenda. Mr. Bedminton hinted some action and act I did! It was a first for me. Didn't know that I can be part of the many people who have experienced the carnal calling in the infamous Manila Film Center.

Above is a photo I dug, not mine so credit goes to the internet. But you can only imagine, those big pillars can discreetly hide any actions in the dark. But I won't go there alone. Dangerous!

Heartbreaker20 Withdrawal

So heartbreaker20 texted me last night that he is going to church. Then this morning I got another text from him. This time it was more generic morning greeting. I so wanted to text him back. for 2 hours I did hold back. Until around 11am, just before I went to a job interview, asking him to be my prayer warrior.

It's his rest day, but he didn't reply. It didn't bother me because my new Guy, gave me some encouragement. Heartbreaker20 eventually replied to my prayer request assistance late afternoon. Telling me another lie, didn't have load. I simply thanked him for saying a prayer for me.

I have to move on... But for some reason, I can't! Heartbreaker20 will definitely break my heart. I must prepare myself. But how? I don't know, I don't fucking know!

Smiling From Ear to Ear

Didn't know that CR's or public bathroom's are a great place to cruise. Two weeks ago I was at Moonleaf at the Harrison Branch and was just minding my own, staring at my macbook and browsing through my the websites that I normally visit. When from the corner of my eyes I saw this guy staring at me. I stared back with a little attitude, briefly, until I realized that he was looking at me with some interest. Hmmm... I decided to walk to the CR across and gave him another look, like telling him to follow me. Soon enough he joined me in the CR and gave a me a show! I was just staring at him and his tool when another guy came in so we had to get out. I told him on our way out that I'll just collect my stuff and I'll meet him at Mercury Drug.

So we did meet at the drugstore. We exchanged numbers and we said our names. After a few minutes of talking to each other, we decided to go to an intimate place. You can tell how horny I was on that day, cuz, I don't normally go to a motel with a guy I just met. I was so glad we went in the motel! The experience was so great. We had a wild time, he was so crazy wild that for the first time, I was cursing and calling all the names of the saints while we were in the middle of an intimate encounter. I knew from then on that we will have more great times together.

And I was right, I saw him again yesterday. He opened up to me so did I. We both know each other better now. I am not ready for a commitment yet, so we made it clear that we should not expect anything to come out of it, well at least for now. I sure like to take it to the next level albeit slowly. Meantime, I'll enjoy the time we spend together, be it intimate or just a regular meet.

Now, I believe the whole universe aligned for me to meet him. So to you universe big thanks!

It's Nice To Be Back Home

It's so nice to be home for good and it's nice to have spent my first All Soul's Day in my hometown in Batangas for the first time in 7 years. Saw my cousins and my siblings. Just annoyed a little bit because my relatives were all asking why I came home. You see, I was in the US until June this year. I had to come home because my visa was not renewed by the company I worked for when it suddenly close shop. So it wasn't an easy decision, I had to come home and not risk my status. It's just so hard to explain to every single member of the family.

Oh well, that was just a little trouble compared to how warm welcome I received. One of my aunts cooked her special Sinigang Tanigue and Sinaing na Tulingan just for me! Because she knows that I love both fishes. And then an uncle whom I rarely talk to sent me some pickled mustard that I like to eat with fried fishes. Good thing nobody sent anything sweet! Because I won't refuse leche flan, halayang ube, or bibingka! lol..

When I went to the cemetery, my eyes were busy. Discreetly looking for men that is... ;) There some eye contacts but I couldn't do anything because I was with my brothers and some cousins. Oh well, it's not like I can always go with anyone who has given me the signal anyway. The story of my closeted life!

Oh well, until the time that I can really enjoy being gay, I'll make myself contented with just looking and admire good looking men!

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!

Who wants to be lied to? Nobody!

But why do we continue to believe the lies?

This is I know to be true. There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.

I fall in both ways. And I hate it!

Stuck in the Closet Forever is Officially Open

So today, in my sadness, I decided to write a blog about my experience in the closet.  I have been hiding, leading a double life since as far as I can remember.  I can't and won't come out due personal reasons.  So I guess, I'd be this crazy lonely for forever!

What prompted me to write is this guy whom I met on Planet Romeo. Let's call him heartbreaker20. After several weeks of texting and meet plans, we finally saw each other 3 weeks ago. It was a pleasant meet up, we went to a videoke bar, he is a very good singer. I can sing too, but his singing is superb! Then we went around a mall looking for nothing, but talking at the same time. I am new to this, so I really feel awkward but he probably sensed my inhibitions that is why he took the lead in everything. At 20, I appreciate how mature he acts. We capped that meeting with some fun behind closed doors.

We met again after two days, we realized we live pretty close to each other. I went to his place and we spent some late night hours cuddling and kissing. So I though it was going well..

It went downhill from there.

After several attempts to see him again, he relented today. Only to be disappointed. Felt rejected, lied to and taken advantage of.

So there, today, I promised myself not to get too attached to a man. Keeping my fingers crossed here... ;)

Someone please tell me why matters of the heart is so complicated.

I leave you all with this quote.

"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. 

All you can do is be someone who can be loved. 

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back 

And it's not the end of the world."